she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
