We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
