he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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