brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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