Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
