If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
