I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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