True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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