I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
