Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
