He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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