I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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