she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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