smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
