Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
