doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
