If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize