Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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