i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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