Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
