So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We are two peas in an std pod
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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