If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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