First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize