is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
