How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
