Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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