it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize