At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
