Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
