Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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