I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
