New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
