bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
