did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
