it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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