Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
