I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
