you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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