Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
