What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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