Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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