I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
