come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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