I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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