nut hugger
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
