In America we eat man semen.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Boobs are out for the taking
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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