why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
