I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
