seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
