ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
