I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
