i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize