he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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