Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
