i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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