It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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