Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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