I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i walk over a car last night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
