i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
