I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
