I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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