The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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