Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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