No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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